Our Roles in a Relationship. Do We Really Know What That Means?
Updated: Apr 6, 2022
I would imagine as a writer that life would offer the perfect fodder for characters and stories. Although some of the characters in the stories I write are ‘loosely’ based on people I know, who knew that the things I experience as a mother and a life partner would be enough to give one pause, as I consider how the mind of each individual works, so different from my own.
I have often wished that I could live for a few hours within someone else’s mind, in hopes that it would give me insight into the inner mechanisms of those who confuse me in their thought processes on a daily basis.
For instance, my boyfriend (I was recently reprimanded and told I should use the term manfriend and apologize for those I may be offending. But I have been with my ‘boyfriend for over a decade, and he was my boyfriend then and will remain, my boyfriend, until…sorry, but I digress.) Anyway, my boyfriend decided a few weeks ago that he would make a few changes to his eating habits and incorporate healthier fruits and veggies into his diet, by adding them to a smoothie. Meaning that since my Mother’s Day present was a blender that I should be more than happy to provide services as a barista. Hold up, that’s coffee, right? Mixologist? No, I think that’s alcohol...Okay, Bing says Fruitista.
Well, the thing is, the fresh fruit (and there was a ridiculous amount. So much so we could not fit anything else in the refrigerator.) sat untouched for almost a week. I became concerned that it would go bad and brought up my concerns to my boyfriend. “Hey, all that fruit’s going to go to bad.” To which he replied. “I know. I was wondering why you haven’t made any smoothies?”
Of course, I became confused, because the fresh fruit was not bought for me. So, after a few seconds, I say. “Why would I make smoothies?” His response. “It is your job as a caregiver for your family to make smoothies and proclaim to your family, once you are done (I may be paraphrasing a bit here, please forgive me.) that the smoothies are ready.
Um, is he serious? Who does that? What person decides, I think it is a good time for my family to drink a smoothie, makes said smoothie, and then announces to the whole household ‘COME AND GET IT!” Who am I, Ma Kettle?
Not saying it isn’t done in some households. I am sure if my boyfriend feels this way, that there is someone somewhere on this Earth who reciprocates his sentiments, that if he buys ingredients to prepare a smoothie, that it is my job to assume that they were bought for me to prepare at my discretion. When I mentioned to a friend that he had bought ingredients for smoothies and they were just sitting in the refrigerator, she suggested I just start making smoothies and hand them to him on the way out the door as he heads off to work.
However, I have been trying to get my boyfriend to eat healthier for years, to no avail. And he has announced several times throughout our relationship that he is going to make changes in his diet and has never made any attempt to do so. I have also made smoothies in the past and offered him some, to which his answer has always been, “Maybe later.”
And I do understand that he did go and buy everything to create a smoothie, but…I ask, what’s wrong with his hands? If he actually wants to eat better, can he not make his own smoothies? How is it suddenly my fault that the fruit is going bad because I was supposed to know that it was my job to make random smoothies?
Once one becomes a part of a long-term relationship, are there certain roles or jobs that you are suddenly responsible for? Tell me, have you found yourself in a similar situation, whether it be a significant other or even a friend, who expects for you to know what they are thinking, or take on certain responsibilities because you were seemingly born into it?